“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 ESV

Happiness… seems to be the holy grail in life. There are many myths about happiness and some fascinating research about what really makes us happy. One concept is “hedonic adaptation”—Once we get “the thing” that we really wanted, after only a short while we will get used to that and it won’t bring a lasting happiness. Why is that?

What really makes us happy? There are many “distractions” out there that move us away from authentic happiness, such as being constantly bombarded by subtle and not-so-subtle media images and cultural messages of how we should look and live to have the “good life.” Have you noticed how easy it is to get sucked in the abyss of modern technology? While there are so many benefits of being connected at the click of a button, there are also some down sides that are hard to escape.

For several, self-worth and attention often become wrapped up in how many likes and follows one will get on Facebook; it often seems that many of us forego old fashioned conversations for a text message that lacks any warmth. We send an Emoji a call to offer the sound of a soothing voice, the feeling of sitting in the presence of a loved one and enjoying them. We can get sucked into the vortex of surfing the web, hopping from site to site in a manner that scatters our attention. Dr. Tim Bono says it quite well, “We constantly tempted by materialism and consumerism at our fingertips, without the feeling of paying paper money that we worked hard to earn. And we spend increasing amounts of time in front of screens of all kinds for our entertainment and pseudo companionship—to escape from boredom and other often painful emotions.” While technology might at times bring satisfaction, I don’t know of any who would say that it touches their soul and makes them feel alive.

There is a joy and feeling of aliveness that is not so commonplace in our fast-paced, technology-filled world. This joy comes from within our deepest parts. I believe we all have a medicine for our soul. For some people it might be being in nature. For some it might be painting or playing music or creating some unique expression of who they are. For others it might be sitting with a friend over a cup of coffee, or volunteering at a soup kitchen, or letting loose and singing in the shower or the car. Yet, what determines the deeper meaning of life comes from our creator. “The thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy, but I (Jesus) came to give life that you may live.” John 10:10. He is both profound and authentic to those who allow Him into their lives. It is what truly fills our hearts with authentic happiness.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16, Paul said, “Always be joyful.” Why? Because he knew joyfulness is imperative in order to love the life God has given us. Does this mean we are to be joyful when people hurt us? No when unaffected circumstances around us seem hopeless? No when our hearts have been broken? No, does it mean we have to walk around pretending we are happy, or even suppress our negative emotions. This verse simply encourages us to focus on the good instead of just the hurtful or the bad. To see the blessings in our lives rather than our something oppressive or worrisome burdens of life. To let our faith, not our feelings, help us to also re-capture our joy and gratitude.

The secret to real happiness isn’t really a secret at all. It’s simply realizing the importance of counting our blessings and not focusing on the burdens; understanding that gratitude has the incredible ability to help us retain our joy…

True happiness is not about being happy all the time, nor is it about striving to achieve some end point of “being happy.” But it is about taking small steps to sustain “happiness.” Paying attention to the small things that move our hearts and touch our souls may be one moment at a time. Think about it.

Everyone has a dream. It may whisper to us in a still, small voice or it may have the volume and intensity of Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech. The problem is that not many of us are actually living our dream. But as Suzanne Falter-Barns says in her book, How Much Joy Can You Stand?, if we begin to nurture and pursue that dream we will experience an effortless joy like nothing else. “It may take a while to work through all your resistance, fears, misperceptions and basic disbelief in yourself. It may take far longer than you think it should. But if you can just keep going through the process, and trust yourself in a basic way not attempted before, the joy will be yours.”

Test your joy quotient with this Thriving quiz.

True or False:

1. Creativity doesn’t just belong to artistic types. It belongs to me and to every human. I AM creative!

2. I think of myself as someone who doesn’t just want what I want, but as someone who is going to get it.

3. I keep blank notebooks in several places for jotting down my ideas and inspirations, and a tape recorder for recording observations.

4. No matter how “uncreative,” sensible, logical and otherwise unimpulsive I might consider myself, if I have a pressing idea—a core desire—I’m going to express it.

5. My family, my community, my world can benefit from my pursuit of my dream.

6. Feeling vulnerable and insecure is part of the process of creating any dream. To see me through those times, I call on those who I know support my project, not those who might discourage my efforts.

7. I quiet my mind regularly, and when I do, creative ideas and inspirations often show up unannounced.

8. I look around my world—city streets or nature’s paths—for creative inspiration and sources of joy.

9. I anticipate unexpected twists of fate, chance encounters and unorthodox solutions. Maybe a God wink?

10. It isn’t up to me what the world thinks of me. My job is to work on my dream and send it out there.

11. I make a regular habit of connecting with my wishes, and I’m not afraid to wish for too much. But rather than wish for personal success alone, I link my wishes to how they serve people.

12. I use affirmations—positive statements phrased in the present tense and repeated often—to allay any fears I identify as holding me back.

13. I know that false desires are accompanied by feelings that are anxious, grasping and withholding, whereas true heart’s desires are accompanied by feelings that are joyful, releasing and generous.

14. I make it a habit to do one scary thing and to do one thing differently every day.

If you answered “false” more often than “true,” you may be plugging up your joy channel. Please don’t hesitate to call if you would like help clearing it and reconnecting to your joy.

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Adolescent female group – Now forming. Charity & Bethany are offering a 4 week intensive for adolescence. This is a focused group which will be held to a very limited number of teen girls. Give them a call about how to sign up your teen.

Counseling for drug and alcohol issues: We treat both the addicted loved one as well as the battle weary family. We are here for you.

Executive Coaching is also available for the busy professional, who seems to never have time.

Bethany Kinzel MA, LPC has a vast experience working with adolescents as well as young married couples. She also works with families and children going through divorce. Bethany has served in both inpatient as well as out-patient settings. We welcome her to our practice as one of our therapists. 678-395-7922.

Charity Simpson NCC, MS, M.Div. specializes in children, adolescents, and women’s issues. She runs a group for young women on Monday nights from 6 pm to 7:30 pm. It is quite popular. Give her a call. The first appointment is free. 678-395-7922.

Bob Roland Th.M. is our newest member of Compass Consulting. He is a very seasoned pastoral counselor. Bob specializes in Couples, Families and Individual counseling. Give him a call. 678-395-7922.